Our first book club read is here!
On the second page of the book we read the first part of Julian’s journal entry. He states the following:
“Everyone lies about their lives. What would happen if you shared the truth instead? The one thing that defines you, that makes everything else about you fall into place? Not on the internet, but with those real people around you?
This book states its “thesis” very early on, do you agree with that we all have one thing that defines us?
He goes on to write “maybe telling that story would change your life, or the life of someone you’ve not yet met” - Lets pretend that we do indeed have one thing that defines us, do you think sharing it would change your life in a meaningful way?
I find it ironic that I am indeed sharing so much of my life with you all on the internet. Do you think sharing on the internet is easier? Does that make it less authentic?
Lets get the discussion going in the comments below! I’ll check back with new questions as we go.
Hello! I’m very excited to be here!
1. I do not agree that we all have one thing that defines us. People are complicated and are defined by many different things. Even the characters in the book cannot be defined by a single thing. For example, Monica’s one thing is that she wants to get married and have a family however she can’t be defined by that alone. She is also driven by her desire to make her mom proud, to live a life of purpose (by quitting her corporate job and starting the cafe), by bringing joy to her customers and making her community a better place. All of these things make her who she really is and not what she sees herself as, a sad aging spinster.
2. If we did all have just one thing that defined us in our own eyes and affected how we live our lives then I do think sharing it could benefit ourselves. Julian for example shares that he is lonely and as a result finds himself no longer alone. If someone caused a car accident that resulted in someone else injured or worse they may let that accident define them, but if they shared that guilt with others they may find the help the need to move past it and forgive themselves.
3. I think we all know that the internet tends to be a highlight reel of all the awesome out of the ordinary parts of our lives, whether it be vacations, engagement/baby/wedding announcements, big purchases, whatever it may be. The average person isn’t posting about the day to day that makes up the majority of our lives. There are of course plenty of people sharing the real, raw moments of their lives in hopes of finding solidarity or providing motivation but I think by and large that is not the case. Also, I think many people are afraid of saying the wrong thing on the internet when the number of eyes reading it is much larger than the few people you might say it to in person. I think for these reasons often (but not always) what is shared online is less authentic than what would be shared in a conversation over dinner or drinks.
Kaileigh I agree !!! I think sometimes we see ourselves in one dimension (kids, loneliness, addiction) but those around us are able to see so much more. I think it’s so evident in how these characters write about themselves vs how the other speak about them. I also like your point about authenticity online vs over dinner or drinks w/ friends which gets brought up later in the book w/ Julien!
I do not agree with the "we all have one thing that defines us". This may be a stretch BUT as a millennial, I feel as though there are MANY things that define us from past, present, and a different future from our parents. I do feel as though many of us want to make those who significantly impact our lives proud BUT at the same time ... it is not the same for everyone. It is a different world sadly. Some people may want to show a "we can do better" attitude from what their family provided. Anna, I 100% agree with the one dimension which is why I feel as though the world is the way it is. No one sees things from other peoples perspectives. Given this day and age, it would be nice for an anonymous book to be left ( not via internet, legit just pen and paper ) but the sad part of it is .... not many people would do such a thing.
I personally feel as though this could hurt me, because I 100% want to and probably could say that I would want to be a better person. Many things would be effected but it is what it is and I feel as though many people this day and age are not able to say or realize such things. With that being said, I do not know if they could handle someone realizing last minute in life that they have been living a lie or that they could have been bette or done more. Which is why if this was a legitimate study or could be properly executed ..... the world could possibly be changed/impacted in such a positive way.
I feel as though sharing on the internet for most is a negative ( Anna, if you stopped sharing recipes and cocktails id be very upset ). Not many people have good things to share, they only share the part in life that they want people to see. NOT the good, the bad, the ugly..... only the good. Kaileigh, I 100% agree with you ( and COMPLETELY support your thoughts for the other prompts ). 2021, I feel as though people are starting to be more raw and transparent so to speak. Back in the day people would never express their TRUE feelings about their relationships, hardships such as postpartum depression, COVID experiences, political views, etc. Social media content is no where near as valuable as an in person conversation which secretly hurts my heart. I would rather the truth then/than post or make a statement that is made to make the majority happy. Reasons why I keep my occupation and marital status / racial marital status out of most in person conversations personally.
@Brittany Natel totally agree that it’s not one single thing that defines us - we’re all multifaceted people which is what makes us all interesting. I think there are certainly times we may feel defined by or tied to one particular thing (new mom, sickness, job, online persona, a passion) - something that feels overwhelming or all encompassing at the time - but its more authentic to look at the whole picture and zoom back out to all the other pieces too!
2/3) I think being vulnerable is a hard thing and the internet makes it so much easier to avoid feeling vulnerable because you can so carefully curate what you share. I like that people are sharing more of the ugly / messy / hard parts of life these days! There’s still a lot of room to grow there and at the end of the day I think people have to (or at least I have to) be comfortable and confident in themselves off of the internet first or else it’s impossible not to get tied up in all of the nonsense and constant comparison. And to your point on keeping certain things hidden - so relevant because hiding behind a screen gives people a scary sense of self righteousness and the internet can turn into an ugly place. In real life/ in person I think people are better at starting from a place of compassion. It’s definitely easier to connect to a person than a profile.
Hello!
1) I don't think there is one thing that defines us, but I think there is could be a large part of ourselves we try to hide from others, that could be defining if made public.
2) I agree that being honest and public with your story could change your life or someone else's. I wish everyone had the courage to be totally honest and own their story. But while I think it could change your life or someone else's, I think often some things are hidden to protect other people. I'm not sure if that makes it right or if that's a reason to not own your story publicly. Just another angle to look that that. I do agree with what Kaleigh though. If it's a straightforward "I'm lonely" or "I carry this guilt" I think saying that out loud would for sure benefit you and others. And Brittany, I agree that if properly executed (I don't even know what that would look like, but let's just say someone figures it out) of course I think it would benefit lots of people. I love the idea of everyone owning their stories and having the courage to share. But definitely easier said than done.
3) Yes. I think sharing on the internet is easier. Simply because we get to pick and choose what we share. Even when people decide to not share just their "highlight reel" and maybe share a struggle, it's still carefully selected and worded.